This is my weight loss/personal blog. I have always struggled with my weight but now that I am a mom it means even more to me to be my best healthiest self!
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I remember this girl in grade 8. I remember thinking she was so cool and gorgeous. She was away from school for a month & I remember being disappointed even though I don’t think she ever gave me the time of day. Her friends started bullying me and I remember thinking I wish she was back.
Years later I work with this girl thinking she is cool and fun & I spend a year trying to be her friend. After the second year we are close but I never think that this is the same girl. One day she apologizes for bullying me in grade 8. I try to let it go since I don’t remember her doing anything specifically even though she did.
Another year passes and I am frustrated. Frustrated with chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught. Frustrated for being called a be best friend but never just being good enough to just hang out with if there are no errands to run. Frustrated because she makes me feel embarrassed when I am hungry because she never is. & tired of being a last resort or stood up.
This “cool” girl is just caught up with herself and guys. She was away from school not on some great adventure; she had anorexia and was in the hospital. She didn’t come to my baby shower because there was food there. She has never defended me because she wants everyone to like her.
Now I am a mom who talks about poop everyday. I have no time to be cool. I need to eat to feed my baby. I used to diet and worry about my looks everyday but now I see my baby grow. My body couldn’t support her if I was still hanging out with the “cool” kids and being influenced by them.
I wrote this to remind myself to not be this pathetic again. Not to chase people incapable of love. If you feel rejected by people you are around the wrong people. If you are just yourself there are people who will love you and think you are gorgeous. I met my fiance when I was over 200 lb and he wouldn’t change anything about me. It was me that was hating myself for no reason & because I felt so bad and ashamed I let myself be treated this way.